BODY NEUTRALITY: permission to soar
Last weekend was really special for me.
I had to opportunity to speak on a panel at a Quiet The Diet event, which was hosted by Michelle Shapiro, who is a mother F*$^ng brilliant Integrative Registered Dietician, so you should check her out https://www.quietthediet.com if you are not already familiar with this beautiful woman. I wanted to write a bit about what I had the opportunity to share in that space. Although Michelle had sent me the questions prior to the event, I honestly surprised myself with what came out of my mouth when I was in the heat-of-the-moment, all eyes on me and following the exceptionally moving expositions of the other four women on the panel.
Before I dive into it, let’s start with a question I keep getting: what is body neutrality? Body neutrality is the common ground between diet culture and radical body positivity. We all know what diet culture is, but how can something with the word ‘positivity’ possibly have any negative aspects? While the body positivity movement was groundbreaking and stigma-shattering in the most beautiful and successful way, it can be carried out so far to the extreme that health is no longer taken into account.
There is also a feeling that you are doing it wrong if you do not constantly love your body and if you do not believe your positive affirmations every single moment of every single day. It is a HUGE jump for someone so invested in diet culture to mentally hop on the body positivity bandwagon, because you can self talk about how much you love and accept yourself until you are blue in the face, but if you do not truly believe it in your gut, then it can actually be detrimental. If you cannot trust a system based on patience, balance, and intuition, then your body stays in a constant sympathetic state because it does not feel safe to relax and just live. Often times, what you are affirming does not necessarily match how you are feeling… and that, my friends, leads us to the foreground of body neutrality. This concept means that you actually do not love your body (I know…) but at the same time, you do not hate your body. You are neutral, meaning that your body just exists, because at the end of the day we are so much more than the shell of the bodies we inhabit.
So now to the killer question that pulled at my heart strings and really got me thinking:
How do I keep a body neutral mentality in an esthetically driven industry?
To be honest, when I was in the professional dance industry, I did not. I did not know how to, and it became unhealthy, unsafe, and honestly was probably the unconscious driving force behind my subtle escape route. That negative mindset unknowingly lived deep inside of me, which brings us into the professional fitness industry, that I definitely entered in a very self-deprecating and shameful way - just being honest. That being said, the body neutral mindset now keeps me sane, with health at the forefront of all of my choices, and that in and of itself keeps me wildly overjoyed and excited to move my body every single day.
HOW?!
So for me, and I believe that unfortunately for most people, this adjustment took place while my health was on the line and dominated my priority list. Nothing like a nice health scare to snap you out of superficial thoughts and ground you deeply into the things that really matter. For those of you who do not want to wait until shit hits the fan, I think that when the time comes that your longterm physical and mental health are more important than immediate vanity, you will be able to shift gears into this steadfast space of meeting your body where it is at on that day. You will be able to focus on what it genuinely needs, instead of getting caught up in how to make it ‘better’.
IT IS LITERALLY NOT ABOUT YOU.
Sorry babe, but it usually never is. Compliments, as well as negative comments, are actually stemming from what is truly going on with the person that is giving them. I am constantly reminding myself that. Do not let a fantastic compliment make your day, just as you would not let an unfavorable remark ruin your week, because both of those situations are giving the power of your happiness into the hands of other people. In the same way that you can utilize your physical body to gather understanding on your wellbeing, you can assimilate endless information about the people around you by acknowledging what they choose to bring up in conversation. I repeat, it has nothing to actually do with you.
CHANGE THE CONVERSATION
Technically it is part of my job to change other people’s bodies, well actually that’s a lie. It is my job to motivate and inspire other people to move their bodies in a way that will help them reach their physical goals. I am very conscious not to comment on other people’s bodies because for me personally, it does not feel right. I would much rather comment on someone’s glow, on their strength, or on their ability, rather than how big or small they may look on that particular day because I have NO IDEA what is going on in another person’s life. Even the most well-intentioned comments have no correlation as to how that person is going to receive it, due to thoughts spiraling around in their brain that may have absolutely no connection to that current moment. I will give a few examples from my own experience to bring some awareness on this very important, but remarkably under discussed topic:
> When I was going through a terribly tough time in my personal life, I was too stressed to eat (I know. I’m not one of those women. That has literally never happened before). I was so upset and sick to my stomach about what was happening, and with a very physically demanding job, I obviously dropped weight quickly. Many people commented on it, and said how amazing I looked and how happy I must be - I was literally being praised for the fact that I was too distraught to eat, which can really mess with your head!
> Another interesting thing that I experience quite often, is the number of people that come up to me at my fitness job and thank me for having a ‘normal body’. If you are reading this and you have said that to me before, I am not at all mad at you. I know that it is always coming from a complimentary place, but I want to shed light on the rollercoaster of thoughts that a comment like that may initiate -
Does normal mean not fit?
In this setting where we expect exceptional, does this make me below exceptional?
Does normal mean average?
Does normal mean fat?
…or simply the fact that my body is commented on before my work ethic, my energy, my motivation level, my delivery, my stamina and my professionalism.
Now I am very conscious of the fact that many, if not all of these thoughts are stemming from my own personal narratives, but we are aware and we are working on it! Moral of the story, is to just please be more mindful of how we are talking about, commenting on and even complimenting other people, especially in an intimate environment.
EMOTIONALLY DETACH FROM YOUR BODY
Yes, I know this one confuses people at first. The looks I got during the panel interview were quite intriguing because of course it is thought that the concept of being holistic involves conscious interconnection and extensive involvement of the whole being. Well, yes, but also no. When we can emotionally detach from our physical body (because remember we are so much more than that), we are able to access valuable insight and information. Why does my body feel this way? Why am I holding weight in this area? Why does this part feel more inflamed, etc, are all questions that we are able to investigate and answer when we detach emotionally, so we are not analyzing with a preconceived notion or bias. It is hard to get to the root of an issue when there are layers of shame, guilt and hate to navigate through.
As I mentioned earlier, it is part of my job to analyze other bodies, but I do so with the objective of identifying imbalances, and assisting their journey to be the most healthy and thriving version of themselves. While I am rooting for them, I am not emotionally attached to their body so I can view everything as information. By the way, this is SO HARD to do on our own bodies. Like so so hard, because of course we have always been emotionally invested in ourselves. When we are able to detach emotionally from our physical bodies, we become the ultimate self-help healers, because while we are the only person in the entire world who can actually feel what is going on inside, now we can simultaneously take a comprehensive understanding of the physical exterior.
This is monumental for our mental health! So while it eliminates hate, despair and shame; it also takes away pride and glorification of our bodies, in view of the fact that our physical selves simply just exist. When we disassociate these enormous emotions from our bodies, we open so much capacity to shift focus towards everything else in our lives. We are able to create the space to discover all of the incredible components of our being.
This concept of body neutrality is a constantly evolving approach that is relatively new for me, and of course it feels natural and inherent on some days, while it takes conscious application on others. Ultimately, I always strive to practice what I preach, so I will gladly embrace insight on cultivating a body-neutral mindset in myself, as well as in my community, because at the end of the day when we let our bodies do their thing, we are giving our souls permission to soar.