What Do You Have To Gain?
I have gained weight during the stay at home order.
It may not be the #quarantine15, but it is definitely more than a cute couple pounds…
but guess what? THAT IS OKAY.
IT IS OKAY IF YOU GAINED WEIGHT DURING THE QUARANTINE.
And also guess what…
IT IS OKAY IF YOU LOST WEIGHT DURING THE QUARANTINE.
Oh and one more thing…
It is truly okay if you have not stepped on a scale and have no idea how much you weigh during the quarantine (or ever, tbh). Let’s just take a second to acknowledge the fact that if you are even able to quarantine, you are privileged. It is a damn privilege to be able to afford the technology to work from home, to provide clean water and nourishing foods to yourself and your family, to have a roof over your head, a comfy bed to sleep in and clean clothes to wear (even if it is the same three outfits for the last two months - we do not judge here). To be able to even be having thoughts, or a conversation, about your weight during a global pandemic is a privilege that we need to recognize because not everyone is that lucky.
I won’t even go into my thoughts on comparative suffering, which is the premise that just because you do not have it ‘as bad as someone else’ does not take away the negative emotions that you are feeling. It is not a competition. The person who suffers the most does not win, just as there is no trophy for pounds lost during a pandemic. To circle it back around; acknowledge your thoughts - all of them - even the ugly, shameful, embarrassing ones that you have about yourself. Bring awareness to where they are stemming from. Investigate them with a beginner’s mind so that you have the power to dig up old narratives and rewrite your truth. This is the only way to take control over your journey. But hey, if you believe that ignorance is bliss, then ignore me and carry on, all the power to ya… but the fact that you are still reading has me under the impression that you and I probably think in a similar manner, so grab that shovel girlfriend.
If you have followed my journey thus far, you are familiar with my triumph over Hashimoto’s Disease, crazy fluctuation in hormone imbalances, an unruly menstrual cycle and times of uncontrollable weight gain. Fortunately I cannot blame that little gland in my neck for the higher number on the scale this time - seriously I am SO GRATEFUL to my past self for putting in the work to be able to sustain a thriving endocrine system with such a drastic and sudden lifestyle shift.
Once I calmed down from the panic that my weight gain may be thyroid related, because the relatively quick pounds I put on obviously triggered past incidents, I took a second to realize that my entire day to day lifestyle had just been altered. Of course owning the connectedness with my body, I was aware of every single tiny inch, twist and change it made. I began to wonder why I even cared that I weigh a bit more? It’s not like I’m being unhealthy or harmful to myself? It’s not like my clothes don’t fit… and even if they didn’t, I take you back to my first point that I have not gone off course in taking care of myself and my health. Why do I constantly feel that I have to be this flawless aesthetically pleasing example of health?
Some days I wake up and think the roll on top of my stomach, below my bra line, is kinda cute like hey girl, I’m gonna show you off today. Other days (especially close to my period) I look at her like she’s this disgusting monster that can’t be tamed. Part of my never-ending journey towards a body neutral mindset is bringing awareness to those thoughts and not becoming reactive towards them. Definitely not letting them dictate how my day is going to go. If I did allow these extra quarantine pounds to rule my world, the last two months would have been rather miserable.
On the contrary, I am quite appreciative for what I have gained.
Along with some quarantine pounds, I have gained time.
I have gained time outside, that would usually be spent indoors. Hello Mr. Vitamin D
I have gained many hours of sleep that would usually be spent commuting.
I have gained time to myself.
I have gained trust in my body
I have gained memories over meals with people who mean so much to me, instead of isolating myself to ration, measure, and count every ingredient in my small insipid meal.
Along with these things that I am so happy to have gained, a few pounds also came along for the ride. I think this is where my body naturally (and in a very healthy way) wants to sit. I still show up for myself everyday. I move my body everyday. I nourish myself constantly - mind, body and spirit. I go to bed each night full from days consumed with yummy meals, organic wine, belly laughs, movement, connection and quarantine memories. It’s been an eye-opening realization to understand some of the things in my life that I lose when I lose weight. This is not good or bad, it just is. Our lives are not as black and white as we would like them to be. It is the circle of life which means when one thing goes up, something else must come down to sustain the revolving balance of existence. Science people, look it up.
This is probably so socially ‘wrong’ to be talking about as I dive deeper into my health & wellness aspirations. I am not a shining gold star example of the cleanest eater you’ve ever seen, or the fitness trainer that motivates you by her chiseled symmetrical abs, but I will always keep it real and as open and honest as I can. I hope to empower via virtue of wellness. I am very happy, and I am very healthy, but I am also very human, which comes along with good days and bad days and blah blah blah you’ve heard it all before. You’ve actually lived this! I am not telling you anything that you do not already know deep down, or maybe not so deep down, which in that case go you for doing the work. This aint easy, but oh man is it worth it. I feel like I’ve barely tapped the surface but I’m already looking forward to many more decades of deep delving self discovery.